A Few Things Amusing

For a long time now, I've wanted to do a post on things that I find amusing, but there are so many of them that I've been intimidated by the daunting task. Therefore, I've decided to type up just a handful at a time. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the first (and possibly last) installment of A Few Things Amusing.

Smart Cars:

Don't you chuckle every time you see one of these?


A number of times I've heard people adamantly insist that Smart Cars are indeed safe.

Uh...yeah, if you collide with a shopping cart, but the last time I was on the freeway, there were Suburbans and semis aplenty.


Utilikilts:

Okay, sound it out--utili...kilts...as in utility kilts.

No, I'm not making this up.

Look:


No, this is not the work wear of a female carpenter whose fundamentalist religion dictates that she must wear a skirt at all times. It's a guy. (Notice the leg hair and lack of hippage?)

As a person of Scottish ancestry, I feel strangely obligated to apologize to all the non-Scots out there. Although it, too, would be odd, methinks a utilisarong would somehow be more socially acceptable.

My Freaky Thumbnails:


No, I didn't hit my thumb with a hammer whilst donning my utilikilt. (Hey--there's a good question...if a woman wears a utilikilt is she technically a transvestite?) Anyway, back to my thumbnails...they actually grow this way.

Yes, it is both of them and no, this is not the result of injuries to my thumbs' nailbeds. A hand model I never shall be...

Our Eunuch Wears a Lampshade

The deed is done.

Duncan is now a member of the sort-of-sexless-canine society.

Poor Duncan wasn't happy the second we put him into the car. In his little puppy brain, a car ride must be equated to getting shots because the only times he's ever been in the car, it ended with a walk into the vet's and a hypodermic piercing his tender flesh.

(Delaney, on the other hand, loves going to the vet. She's such an animal appreciator. Half an hour in the vet's lobby means half an hour of petting multiple dogs and cats and chatting with their owners. We'd throw her next birthday party there if we could somehow evade being noticed by the vet's staff.)

Apparently Duncan has to wear the cone of shame for two weeks! The veterinarian referred to the cone as an Elizabethan collar (as if it's some sort of fashion trend). It even has a bow on it as seen in this picture:


I realize the bow is utilitarian, but it looks like a sorry excuse for an embellishment.

His resilience is commendable. When the cone was first put on him, he balked for a couple of minutes, and then he just seemed to accept it. Now he runs around the yard, running into things and trying to play with his toys.

It's not keeping him from his usual routine of napping in the afternoon sun either:


This morning, I looked out to the patio and saw him trying to scratch behind his ear with his hind paw. Poor guy! Jeff immediately went out and gave him a good, thorough scratching behind both ears.

This, too, shall pass.

From Cute to Cute in Nothing Flat

In spite of my mucus-loaded head, I took Delaney to a very important appointment yesterday.

She has been growing her hair for the past year and a half to donate it to Locks of Love.

I'll miss doing fun things with her luxurious mop such as:

However, neither of us will miss the inevitable tangles that go along with having hair halfway down one's back.

She has such lovely hair; it'll make a great hair-piece for someone and I'm so pleased that she is happy to share her blessing. (This is actually the third time she has donated. Sweet girl.)

Miss Shelley prepares Delaney for the whacking:


Off with your hair! (This was only about half of it.)


Almost done...


...and, voila!


Speaking of having body parts whacked off...guess what's happening to Duncan tomorrow...

That's right, we've got him scheduled to have his Treasure-Bag emptied. Maybe, just maybe, he'll be a better behaved dog once he is bereft of his "family jewels"...

...uh, yeah, I'm not counting on it.

A Plague on Both Your Houses

Or, a plague on our one house, I should say. (That was Shakespearean, by the way. Romeo and Juliet to be precise.)

Yes, illness has infiltrated the lives and bodies of our household. It started with Tobias early last week. Then Delaney got it last weekend. (Poor thing had a fever on her birthday.) Jeff came home from work on Monday looking like that guy off of the old Nyquil commercials. He's now had a slight fever for three days. I seem to have avoided the fever, but I'm congested beyond belief.

Oh well, the good side is that we can watch several episodes a day of season one of the Mole on Hulu without feeling guilty. There can be little perks in life, even when you're soggifying loads of tissues at an alarming rate.

Tomorrow Is...

...our precious daughter's birthday. We are so thankful that God entrusted this wonderful girl to us eleven years ago.


She was our sweet little baby who blossomed into our adorable, spunky toddler.


Now she is our beloved 'tweener of whom we are so proud.


Happy birthday, Delaney! (Tomorrow, that is.)

Yesterday Was...

...Tobias's graduation from eighth grade.

He was looking quite sharp in his top hat and baseball jersey. A strange combination perhaps, but this is Tobias we are talking about...

Plants and a Pup

Some have actually survived!

Remember my whining post about plants dying in my flower box a few weeks back?

Well, this poor little dessicated fellow (I'm not even sure what this was!) went the way of many others before it--


But wait! The Geraniums are doing alright--


And the Gerbera is positively popping--


All of this beauty exists in the front yard.

The backyard is presently possessed by a very destructive force--


What, you may ask, is causing such structural mayhem?

Why, our puppy, of course--


Remember Duncan, the stray puppy we so dearly hoped to keep? Well, let's just say that we hope he has hit his destructional peak, because our trash can is now regularly full of items that were (until recently) perfectly good and functional.

There's a reason God made puppies cute. (Otherwise we'd find the highest cliff around and throw them off with a gusto-filled heave-ho.)

Cute, indeed. Adorable, in fact.

He's actually a very good dog. He's quite smart. He already knows how to sit, shake, give kisses, retrieve a frisbee and a ball. This is a refreshing change from our other dog--



Bruiser is the well-behaved one, but he is a little on the dull side (as you can see his personality is sparkling through in the photo above).

Intelligent, he is not. In fact, when I put Duncan through a training session, I throw the frisbee, call out "Go get it, Duncan!" and while he is running off to do my bidding, I toss Bruiser a little treat, just so he won't feel left out. (He seems incapable of earning a treat. We've tried teaching him several tricks over the years.) Hopefully, Duncan won't realize that Bruiser is getting tossed goodies for doing nothing more than standing nearby as he (Duncan) runs around fetching frisbees. (Hmm, maybe Bruiser's not so unintelligent after all.)

We truly do love them both.

Warning: the following is quite gross...

It was never my intention to post photos like this one...


...but I find it so amusing that I just have to share. You see, this a pic of Duncan's poo. If you examine it closely, you will see that it is deeply embedded with bits of a blue bucket.

Tobias, our official backyard-poo-picker-upper, has seen other examples of Duncan's chewing and swallowing power. One poo was full of at least 5 good sized pebbles and another contained many shreddings of a tarp. These things appeal to him somehow.


(I had to end with a cute picture, so that your last impression of him wouldn't turn your stomach.)

Mr. D and a Goody Bag

Mr. D:

This school year, Delaney had a male teacher for the first time ever. He's quite an intelligent fellow.

The first week of school he taught the kids magic tricks and their only homework was to go home and perform the tricks for anyone willing to watch. That's one way to start the year off right.

More evidence of his ingeniousness came last week. All the girls in his class were whisked off to the Multi-Purpose Room to watch the movie (ya know, the one they show 5th grade girls across America. It's about menstru...uh, yeah, that movie.)

Anyway, when the boys asked what the movie was about, Mr. D simply said, "Jump roping."

Well, of course that quenched any interest that the boys may have had.

His clever plan did not end there. He also timed the return of the girls (some of whom were sporting the classic deer-in-the-headlights look) with the passing out of popsicles to all the students. What 11 year old boy is going to query a shell-shocked looking girl when he's got his hands on a Fudgsicle?

The Goody Bag:

After viewing the movie, the girls were each given a bag of stuff. Delaney brought hers home and we perused its contents together. There were pamphlets (from which I learned a few things :)), some feminine products and a stick of deodorant.

We laughed about the phrase that was boldly emblazoned across the bag in bright, colorful letters:

It's a happy time!

Perhaps a more apropos statement would be:

Deal with it. Billions do.

It's Nearly That Time Again...

As most people do, we really look forward to going on a summer vacation. Ours won't be for a few more weeks, but most of the vital details are in place.

This year, we're going to...

...oh, sorry, but I can't reveal our destination. You see, just like every year, Jeff and the kids have no idea where we're going, what we're doing or who we're seeing.

Years ago, when we were finally earning enough income to actually go on a vacation, Jeff told me to plan one. Unfamiliar with the whole concept, I asked him where to.

"Surprise me," he said.

So I did. We've been doing it that way ever since. It's fun!

Sorry, but please don't sneak up to me next time you see me and quietly quiz me for more info. (Two people almost accidentally blew it last year.) I'll give you all the full rundown, complete with lots of photos, upon our return.

If you want to read about last year's trip, find my post back in June or July of '08. It was called The Big Secret Revealed.

I can hardly wait...