Prepare For Lift-Off

Today we begin our mysterious adventure--also know as summer vacation. (In case you are new here, every year I plan our vacation and Jeff and the kids have no idea what it entails.)

I'm excited, but it's a "tense excited" because I still have a million things to do. Can any of you moms relate to that???

I truly wish I could spill the carefully planned content of my clandestine cauldron into your minds, but one of my fellow travelers might catch sight of this before noon today and figure out where we're going and what we're doing. We can't have that now, can we?

It's actually better this way, though, because when I come back, I'll be able to tell you what actually occurred and there will be photographic evidence (which is always delightful).

There is one of you who is in the know since we're planning on visiting you and your clan, unless a blessed event happens right when we roll into town. (You know who you are!!! Try to hold off on that blessed event, okay, 'cause I'd like to think that a visit from us is a good thing...or at least I hope it is. :))

We have all been so looking forward to this. The closer it has gotten, the bigger my mischievous smile has grown. I've been walking around all week looking very much like the cat who got the cream:


(Please pardon my unmade-up face and hair. I woke up at 4:00 and I've been up ever since.)

Gotta go!

Poodles and Boxers and Mutts, Oh My!

We made a seasonal pilgrimage to the beach last Friday. The place we usually park was packed solid, so we ventured north and found a spot that we'd never been to before. Little did we know as we dropped a thousand quarters into the meter that we had just rented a little slice of beach heaven for our sweet daughter. You see, we were at a dog beach.



I've seen such places on the Dog Whisperer (in fact, I was looking around for Cesar and his camera crew for the first several minutes), but I had never before had the pleasure of actually being at one. We were surrounded by Great Danes, Weimarers, Bulldogs, German Shepherds, Labradors, Golden Retrievers, Dachshunds and a handful of Heinz 57s.

It really was a very cool place. We were there for two hours and I didn't witness even one dog fight. Perhaps, the dogs were so overjoyed at being unleashed and near the surf that they were able to overcome their natural instincts.

Delaney was, of course, thrilled. She petted, played with and oohed and aahhed over many a pooch. Oh...and she played in the waves a little bit, too.

My surprise of the day came when a soggy poodle-type, fresh from a romp in the surf, started circling me as I sat on a towel under our umbrella, but wait...there's more...I said "Hello" to her which must have sounded like the canine-speak for "Hop on!" because that's exactly what she did. "Lexie's" owner was mortified and apologized profusely while trying to coax Lexie off my lap. I just handed her my camera and asked her to document the event for me.


(Did you notice that I'm wearing my sun hat whilst under my umbrella? Perhaps it's overkill, but I didn't get burnt at all!)

It would have been a more pleasant experience had Lexie not been dripping and sandy. This is what my lap looked like afterward:


In spite of the minor mess that I became after my encounter with Lexie, I think that next time we go to the beach, I'll request that it be the dog beach.

8 becomes 4

My friend, Veronica, recently challenged me with the number 8, but I felt a bit overwhelmed at the prospect and have chosen to turn it into 4.

4 things I look forward to are:

1. VACATION! VACATION! VACATION! It's coming...
2. Getting our air conditioner fixed. (On Sunday, it was 89 degrees...at 5:45 in the morning!)
3. Having a new garage door installed (although I have no idea when we'll be able to afford one since overtime at Jeff's work is now virtually non-existent.)
4. The day that there will no longer be any kind of misunderstanding between people. We won't hurt each other any more and there will be neither confusion nor wondering.

4 things I did yesterday:

1. Finally made the coleslaw with the beginning-to-brown cabbage that I bought for that purpose about a week ago.

2, 3, and 4?

Okay, if you sit at the computer for more than five minutes and can't remember anything even slightly interesting from the previous day then it's time to move on...

4 things I wish I could do:

1. Handwrite beautifully instead of with the barely legible scrawl that my forever-cramped hand scribbles out.
2. Know how to be a bit more realistic on this blog of mine. Most of my posts are quite cheerful which isn't necessarily bad, but I know that life has some major difficulties that can't be ignored. However, I often don't feel like it's my place to post things that are going on in my life or in the lives of people around me because it might violate trust and confidence. So please know that my life is not some perfect bubble and that I'm simply careful about what I share in a forum as public as this.
3. Speak, understand and write German fluently. I must confess that it has been just about a year since ich lerne Deutsch and although I have put a lot of time and effort into this (what most would consider meaningless) task, I still can't go to Sowieso.com (a German online newspaper for kids) and truly get the meanings of the articles. Frustration...
4. Enjoy cleaning. My house would sure look differently.

4 shows I watch:

(Keep in mind that ours is a cable-free house, so what ever I watch has to be online or on a motel's TV.)

1. I Survived a Japanese Gameshow. We love this show! It is so ridiculous and culturally inspiring. From the Sayonara Mob to the lubricated sumo wrestlers to the bad English (which I'm sure if compared to my German is far superior), this show keeps my whole family laughing. The studio audience even bangs on various hand held musical instruments when returning from commercial breaks which greatly reminds me of my fourth year of life, marching around the preschool room in a cacophonous "parade". Be warned; there are occassional bad words (these are real people, after all) and every now and then you'll see someone in their underwear as they frantically change from one crazy costume to another. Confused? Go to abc.com and find it in the episodes section. Enjoy.
2. The Dog Whisperer. I've watched several episodes, but I fear I won't truly have control of Duncan until Cesar pays me a personal visit. Are you reading this, Cesar?
3. Wife Swap. Aside from the tastless name, this is actually a fascinating show. I can't believe how differently people live. There are so many variations of family life in America. Tobias wants our family to call and apply to be on the show, but I fear that either a) our family would prove to be rather dull viewing or b) we'd suddenly realize that our family is a lot weirder than we were ever aware. You know that those families think they are normal and admirable. Why else would you offer yourselves up for possible public humiliation on a national scale? Some nuts aren't locked up, Wife Swap proves it.
4. Wipeout. However, it's not the favorite that it was last season. You can only watch someone try to cross the punching wall so many times. What? They fell into the mud? Wasn't expecting that...

So, I'd love to read any of your 4s (or 8s of the truly interesting). There's plenty o'room in the comment section.

One Thing Amusing

Recently, I was at the gym on the stair-stepper when on the TV before me began an infomercial. Infomercials are inherently amusing simply because the spokesperson has to act incredibly excited about their product, no matter what it is, in hopes that the viewers will also become enthralled with it and therefore call the 1-800, plastic card in hand.

This particular infomercial was especially delightful to a mocker such as myself because of the product being advertised. The name of it escapes me presently, so we shall henceforth refer to it as "Power Purge".

Power Purge was, as you may have guessed, a laxative, but not just your run of the mill laxative. It was the laxative of choice amongst the rich and famous and had the power to drastically improve one's overall health.

To give a little oomph to his claims, the salesman brought out a couple of "celebrities" who sat on a comfy looking couch and listened to him give his shpiel. (How do you spell that?) These were not celebrities with whom I was familiar, but the salesman sure seemed happy about them joining Team Power Purge.

I've done some weird things to earn money (when I was in college, Jeff and I would regularly get $10 each for donating a few vials of blood to a malaria-cure researcher in one of the science labs which bought a lot of out-to-eat-meals for us), but I can't imagine being so broke that I was willing to become "the face" for Power Purge.

(There are a few things I'd be happy to have my name and face associated with such as a literacy campaign or the charity "Compassion International", but that list is pretty short. There are lots of products that I'm very happy to use, even thankful for, but I don't want to represent them. Ultrabright toothpaste is great, but not as my identity.)

I mean, I certainly don't want the words, "Boy, Aimee was right!" to form in anyone's mind as they flush their fifth bowlful of self-induced diarrhea.

Uh, yeah...

Please don't misunderstand me...I know that there is certainly a place for industrial strength laxatives in decent society, but couldn't they present it in a more realistic manner? More clinically and less celebratory, perhaps.

Can't they just get some guy in a long white coat with a nasally voice to stare into the camera and say, "Whatever your reason for needing Power Purge, it is guaranteed to eliminate the fecal matter from all 2,000 miles of your digestive tract. Trust me, it works." ? I'd even allow for him to smile afterward to end on a personal note and make us feel like he's on our side.