Discussing Elephants

Alright, alright, so the creature from my last post is not really our new dog. In fact, I'm not sure it's really a dog at all--a deep-fried rat, perhaps? (Can you imagine what it's breath must smell like? Ugh...) However, that picture makes me laugh every time I see it, so I had to concoct some reason to post it, ridiculous or otherwise.

On to more serious matters...

I crave honesty.

Not complete honesty on all subjects. Things such as wearing mascara, telling a child that her drawing of a goat (uh...horse?) is "lovely" and asinine tales of recent pet adoptions are all perfectly acceptable examples of "dishonesty" in my opinion. However, if I'm having a conversation with a fellow human being, I want to have confidence in the genuineness of the exchange. Otherwise, it's a waste of time and vocal cord vibrations.

Throughout my life, my attempts at discussing whatever elephant was presently in the room have had varied results. I've been misunderstood, accused of complaining and of being rude. Other times, my relationships with people were deepened and a greater level of understanding and respect was established. I'll risk the former to reap the latter.

With this in mind, I offer you my take on a couple of subjects. I'll refer to them as "Apparent Myths". These are things that some people would rather not talk about although we all may spend plenty of time thinking about them. I'll start with one that is unlikely to offend.


Apparent Myth # 1: Because of my mindful obedience to God, He is indebted to me.

Now, just reading that, most Christians will say, "Duh. That's clearly a myth. Thanks for pointing out the totally obvious." However, a truth that we can easily recognize on a shallow level is not necessarily regarded as such in the depths of our psyches.

Let me illustrate--I used to look at families around me who were struggling with one or more of their children and I'd immediately comfort myself with thoughts like, "Well, the parents must not _____ or _______. If they'd just ______, then things would be better. That won't happen with us because Jeff and I are committed to _______." Through living life a little longer, I can no longer comfort myself with such thoughts.

In the past decade or so, I've witnessed a lot of families who did everything "right" and some of their offspring still have gotten into some serious trouble. People who I respect deeply for their own devotion to God and for the wise choices they've made are left weeping, wondering, "What did I do wrong?"

There's the myth. We assume that if we've done everything as we ought to, then our kids will grow up to love, honor, and serve God. That's an excellent desire to have--a noble desire to have, yet God will not violate our children's free will in order to reward us for our own behavior.

I now realize that one or both of my kids could end up: divorced, on drugs, as an unwed parent, as a nominal Christian or even an atheist. (There are more options, but I have a hard time seeing to type while cringing so tightly.)

Neither of them is presently doing anything to make me think the above scenarios are likely, and Jeff and I will do every right thing in our power to keep them from happening, but reality is that, ultimately, kids grow up and make their own decisions for their own lives.

So am I dissing Proverbs 22:6, "Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it."? No. That verse very often proves true. Keep in mind that Proverbs are sayings which are born out of the observations of wise people. They are generally true, but they aren't on the same level as the promises of God which are always true. For example, "He who finds a wife finds a good thing..." (Proverbs 18:22) is not always true. Nor is, "Poverty and shame will come to him who disdains correction..." 13:18, (just look at today's gangsta rappers).

Some kids who grow up in a loving, two parent home where their physical, emotional and mental needs are met and who are consistently and justly corrected, still sin--sometimes in big, life-wrecking ways. Am I suggesting that parenting is pointless, that we shouldn't daily aim to meet our children's needs and we needn't bother disciplining them consistently and justly? Of course not. I simply want to expose the fallaciousness of the myth, "Because of my mindful obedience to God, He is indebted to me."

This myth rears its head in lots of areas in our lives (not just in regards to the similarly DNA-ed people whom we love the most in the world). When we recognize the inaccuracy of it, there is a sense of freedom. Our service to God is less about us trying to control everything "just so" or trying to get brownie points from God to get a desired effect. It becomes more about simply knowing that God is worthy of our obedience regardless of the outcome. It alleviates our anxiety, reminding us that God's love for us is truly based on grace, not on our performance and that regardless of the horrors that await us in life, He will always be there--not because He's obligated to be, but because He wants to be.

Comments, agreements, dissensions???

There are at least two more apparent myths simmering in the back of my brain, but I'm done for now.

Aimee