Got Hurt?

I've been thinking a lot lately about humans' potential to hurt each other.

Recently, I ran into a woman whom I haven't seen for years and years. Apparently, she felt pretty hurt by members of the Church in the past ten years or so and no longer even considers herself a part of the Church. She says she still believes in Jesus, but won't call herself a Christian. I don't know who is on her "list of hurters" (maybe I'm on it!), so I have no context by which to evaluate the authenticity of her grievances. However, I don't think that should be the point. When we hear about Christians doing un-Christ-like things, don't we automatically either assume that they aren't being represented fairly OR assume that they're just lousy Christians? It's one extreme or the other, but it probably shouldn't be. There are most likely sins on both sides of the conflict.

I'm a human fraught with faults and weaknesses and skewed perceptions. I'm far too sensitive and I'm ALWAYS thinking about myself. I'm a mess and I'm constantly dealing with other people who are messes as well. There have been a number of times that I've been tempted to withdraw from social groups because I was tired of feeling hurt on a regular basis. I'm not suggesting that withdrawal is never a good option, but we need to think rationally and pray things through, asking God to show us if we're making decisions based on our feelings or if they're actually wise decisions.

There are relational problems wherever there are relationships. It's more obvious out in the World, but we're liars if we say things are perfect in the Church. Congregants get mad at each other as do top leaders in ministries.

I don't like to make claims that I can't substantiate on the spot, so I'll inform you ahead of time that I don't have actual statistics for the following statement, (although I heard it from what I deem a credible source)-- Most missionaries who return early from the field due to relational problems didn't have the problems with the non-believers to whom they were ministering, but rather they had the problems with the other missionaries alongside whom they were ministering. I know there are A LOT of people who work very well together, but there are also a lot who really don't.

What is the standard by which we determine who is in the right and who is in the wrong? We all have varying codes of conduct. I may think of myself as being direct, but someone else labels me as rude. I might find someone's attempt at humor tasteless, but they think they're downright hilarious. Perhaps my attempt at being compassionate is perceived as blatant condescension. I think it's incredibly important to remember this when we find ourselves feeling hurt. When things aren't clear, assume the best in others. "Love is not provoked". (1 Cor. 13:5)

Of course, actual wrongdoing does occur. Jesus tells us how to deal with this in Matthew 18:15-17.

Once, I was tired of the frustrations I felt in a certain social group and after much prayer and even some fasting, I decided to curtail my interaction with the group. I knew that 1 Cor. 9:7 said, " ... let each one give as he purposes in his heart, not grudgingly or of necessity, for God loves a cheerful giver." My prevailing thought as I made the decision to limit my involvement with the group was, "I'm not a cheerful giver of my time, energy and resources to that group. I'm tired of feeling constantly like I'm in sin because of my frustration and the encroaching bitterness that seems ever ready to take hold of me." Of course, there are situations to which this logic doesn't apply. Many relationships can't be just cut off because we're frustrated with them (like with one's children!). That decision was a difficult one to make but I had peace in it because of the clear directive in the aforementioned scripture.

It's so sad that humans just can't seem to get along.

And yet, it simply reminds us of our need to look to God to be our sufficiency--not a ministry, not a leader, not a peer group. I think that's why cults can be so successful. They claim that their specific group will meet one's needs and wants completely. Some people want that claim to be true so badly that they'll give up virtually everything to obtain the hollow promise of completion.

Even people in the Church can be guilty of this. If I claim that my group is the group, then my focus is going to be on the group instead of God and disappointment is inevitable. It's just another form of idolatry.

Oh, by the way...I'm desperately trying not to be hurt by the fact that only one person I memed responded by actually spilling 7 facts about themselves! (Thank you, Andrea :) Okay, so maybe I'm not deeply hurt, but I am a little disappointed. :( All I wanted were a few random facts about my friends...sigh