Rolls, I can do...
Pies, I can do (if I buy the pre-made crusts)...
Neither mashed potatoes nor stuffing strike fear in my heart...
...but there's something about a solid, mammoth sized, roundish-so-it-can-easily-slip-through-your-arms-and-break-all-the-bones-in-both-of-your-feet-at-once, $23.00 bird (are we sure it's actually a bird and not a medium sized mammal?) that makes tofu seem like a tasty alternative for Thanksgiving's main dish (at lease if I'm cooking).
Today at the grocery store, I was absent-mindedly strolling along when I was blind-sided by an offer I couldn't refuse: "Buy $25.00 worth of groceries and get a turkey for 60% off!"
Hmmm...no wonder a crowd was gathering at the floor to ceiling fridge. When it was finally my turn to open the huge glass door, I wrestled an unyielding, plastic covered carcass into my shopping cart, onto the check stand's conveyor belt, back into my cart, onto the floor of my little sedan (I think it left a dent) and finally into the yawning abyss of our big freezer in the garage, remembering the whole time to lift with my legs, not my back.
There lies the cryogenic beast, awaiting it's journey to the fridge (where it will probably crack through a couple of shelves, oh, and where is all the other food supposed to go for those three days of thawing?) and then into the oven where it may possibly dry out and resemble astronaut food due to my lack of massive-poultry-cooking skills.
No matter what happens, I know there's one member of the family who will be pleased with the end result of The Great Turkey Roasting Experiment of 2008:
Can you sense his excitement?
3 comments:
Lol, I just love the way you write and I believe you can do it!!! I cooked my first turkey about 4 years ago and it wasn't pretty, lol. Now (thank God) Steve has a deep fryer and in charge of the bird now. WOOHOO!! Good luck and hey, a dog's gotta eat!
Ok, I think if I keep telling you that "you are hilarious", I might give you a complex...so--I LOVE reading your blog! So descriptive in every detail---awesome!
Last year we ventured out to cook our 1st BIRD and we cut corners and got a white suckle or something instead of a butterball and it was really "gamey"...never really understood what that meant until I tasted it. AND we almost cooked the bag of "goodies" that comes with the bird, in the bird, as we didn't even see it...oops :). That would have made for a good conversation..."mommy, did you hear that? I think our bird just toot-ied" (as Munchkin would say) when the bag popped from the increase in temperature :). Hmmm--I think I have put way to much thought into that would be conversation :).
All this to say...have fun with that girl ;)
How fun! I always use a reynolds cooking bag. They have them in turkey size. It keeps the turkey really moist and I think it has shorter cooking times that way too. The bag has worked well for us. My mom taught me a trick about stuffing the cavity. If you stuff it with cheap white bread on the inside and then use actually stuffing on the last little part of the cavity that shows to the public eye, it looks like you have a beautifully stuffed turkey but you save a lot of stuffing. Anyway, I am proud of you for taking the plunge and you are a crack up. Good luck with the turkey! :) Love, Caroline
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