One Thing Amusing

Recently, I was at the gym on the stair-stepper when on the TV before me began an infomercial. Infomercials are inherently amusing simply because the spokesperson has to act incredibly excited about their product, no matter what it is, in hopes that the viewers will also become enthralled with it and therefore call the 1-800, plastic card in hand.

This particular infomercial was especially delightful to a mocker such as myself because of the product being advertised. The name of it escapes me presently, so we shall henceforth refer to it as "Power Purge".

Power Purge was, as you may have guessed, a laxative, but not just your run of the mill laxative. It was the laxative of choice amongst the rich and famous and had the power to drastically improve one's overall health.

To give a little oomph to his claims, the salesman brought out a couple of "celebrities" who sat on a comfy looking couch and listened to him give his shpiel. (How do you spell that?) These were not celebrities with whom I was familiar, but the salesman sure seemed happy about them joining Team Power Purge.

I've done some weird things to earn money (when I was in college, Jeff and I would regularly get $10 each for donating a few vials of blood to a malaria-cure researcher in one of the science labs which bought a lot of out-to-eat-meals for us), but I can't imagine being so broke that I was willing to become "the face" for Power Purge.

(There are a few things I'd be happy to have my name and face associated with such as a literacy campaign or the charity "Compassion International", but that list is pretty short. There are lots of products that I'm very happy to use, even thankful for, but I don't want to represent them. Ultrabright toothpaste is great, but not as my identity.)

I mean, I certainly don't want the words, "Boy, Aimee was right!" to form in anyone's mind as they flush their fifth bowlful of self-induced diarrhea.

Uh, yeah...

Please don't misunderstand me...I know that there is certainly a place for industrial strength laxatives in decent society, but couldn't they present it in a more realistic manner? More clinically and less celebratory, perhaps.

Can't they just get some guy in a long white coat with a nasally voice to stare into the camera and say, "Whatever your reason for needing Power Purge, it is guaranteed to eliminate the fecal matter from all 2,000 miles of your digestive tract. Trust me, it works." ? I'd even allow for him to smile afterward to end on a personal note and make us feel like he's on our side.