What Would Lady Gaga Do?

Delaney delighted us all this year by carving a pumpkin all by herself! All I did was give her a couple tips like, "Cut the lid at an angle so it won't fall into the pumpkin's cavity once you're all done" and "Don't use the butcher knife for that cut; the samurai sword would work better".

(*Hee hee hee*)

I'm actually surprised that this is the first year she's done this. The child is infamous for her creative independence. (I learned years ago to not make suggestions whenever she's creating something because even if she likes the idea, she won't use it simply because it wasn't hatched in her own brain.)

Anyways, you can see that she did a fabulous job.


She said she left the stringy strands in his mouth because it looked "...cool, like he's drooling."

(Okay, my fear of her future boyfriends just went up a notch.)

"What," you may be wondering, "did this imaginative child dress herself as to traipse around the neighborhood to beg for candy?"

Why as a "balloon seller", of course!

Last year she was a "sign twirler". (You know, the people who entertain you at intersections while you sit, waiting for the light to turn green.)


I love her ideas because they are so highly visible: big signs...a dozen balloons...

Tobias, opted this year to be...Count Nippula.

What, no pictures?

No, it never really materialized...thank goodness.

His plan was to wear a black cape with no shirt on underneath and, of course, instead of going door to door to collect candy, he wanted to go door to door to dole out candy.

I assured him that no one would accept candy from a half dressed, cape wearing freak, even if he was standing next to an adorable balloon seller and his embarrassed parents were only a few feet away in whatever shadows were available.

Sorry if you find the whole Nippula thing offensive, but what else do you expect? The costumes of fourteen year olds are inherently squeamishness-inducing, right? I mean, what else would be the point of a teen donning a costume?

Wow! I wonder what Lady Gaga wore as a fourteen year old?? (Thus, this post's title.)

Now for a couple of post trick-or-treating tips to help you not eat all of your kids' collected candy:

1. Tape a picture of yourself in a bathing suit onto the bowl of candy.

2. Ask a taller person than yourself to place the bowl of candy somewhere out of your reach. The space between the top of your cabinets and the kitchen ceiling works nicely. This way, you don't just walk past the counter and dip into the bowl before thinking about what sabotage you're wreaking on your figure. You actually have to go get a chair, drag it over to where the candy is stashed, climb up on it and feel around in some cobwebs and dust for the bowl. Usually when you're about halfway across the kitchen floor, dragging a chair behind you, you begin to feel quite ridiculous and will shame-facedly return the chair to its place at the table. Voila! Less candy consumed!

Uh-oh! It looks like the bowl of Dove's Promises didn't make it up there with the trick-or-treat bowl:

Okay, if you insist.