This One'll Put You to Sleep

The following statement is yet more proof that I am no fun at all:

I LOVE to sleep.

I realize that sounds like an incredibly lame thing to say about one's self.

New Person: "Nice to meet you, Aimee. What do you do?"

Me: "Well, I occasionally cut my toenails. Oh, and I LOVE to sleep."

(Good thing I don't have aspirations to go 'speed dating'.)

Yet, I really do love to sleep. Perhaps it's because I often struggle with sleeping. (I've posted about my insomniatic ways before, so I sha'n't bore you all again with them.)

When I awaken from a deep and gloriously satisfying slumber, it's on the same level as when I've just finished a fabulously delicious meal. My sense of well being abuts on resplendence. (I really like it, okay?)

Sometimes when I'm lying in bed and I suddenly realize that my thoughts are becoming increasingly weird, I recognize that I'm on the verge of a dream. Mmmm...I happily smile and slip into a blessed lack of consciousness.

Recently, my sleep has become even more enjoyable. You see, someone gave me a ridiculously generous gift card to a place that I shall henceforth refer to as CostInc.

(My feelings about CostInc. are numerous enough to have their own post, but that would be rather dull reading--yes, even duller than what you are presently reading--so it will suffice to say that I love some of their products, their return policy and their cash back credit card, but I hate maneuvering those trailer-sized shopping carts in the midst of the over-excited masses who are all waiting for their eighth food sample. Oh, and I don't have a family of 10 to feed so those massive cans of corn and 108 ounce boxes of cereal are about as impractical and unnecessary to me as a 12 seater van would be.)

*ahem*

So, knowing that I had some cash to spend at CostInc., we went down there to see what caught my eye.

Behold...
there it was...
on an eye-level shelf...
in it's cardboard boxed glory...

...a memory foam mattress pad.

I've been looking for a mattress pad for our guest bed for a very long time, but they're so expensive.

Let me explain something about our guest bed: It used to be our bed, but several years ago, I grew tired of having to carefully arrange my various limbs upon the mattress to avoid the 'sprung-springs' with which the bed was riddled. Inspired, I said, "Hey Jeff, how about we get a new bed and move this one into the other room for our occasional guest(s)?"

Though he was shocked that I was actually suggesting we spend money on something, Jeff found the idea agreeable and we soon possessed a brand new mattress.

The guest bed has been used a number of times, but that is much to my chagrin since I can easily recall how uncomfortably one spends a night upon it. I don't want our guests to involuntarily grab their backs and groan every time they remember sleeping at our house. Thus, I've wanted to get a memory foam pad for years. But the expense kept it a dream and not a reality.

Then, there we were at CostInc. with money we had to spend and...

suddenly...
there it was...
the cure for all (or at least one) of my hospitality woes...
and it was only $138...
and it was three inches thick!

I heaved the cumbersome box off that shelf and lumbered over to where Jeff was waiting in line. (Did I mention how LONG the lines are at that place?)

Okay, here comes the part where you all realize how truly selfish and ridiculous I am: On the way home, as I pondered the absolute fabulocity of my latest purchase, I began to think. It occurred to me that the guest bed is only used a few times a year and that a mattress pad of that quality and luxuriance should be thoroughly appreciated on a more regular basis.

Therefore, when we got home, I unrolled the thing of beauty...

...across the top of my bed.

And there it has stayed for about two weeks now.

Regrets?

Nope.

Shame?

Maybe a little, but then I just lie down and it all drifts away on a velvety cloud of cushy malleableness.

Is it okay to describe a mattress as 'yummy'? I say, 'Yes!'

I'm telling you, if you've got $138 to upgrade your sleeping quarters, just drive down to you-know-where and buy one of these magnificently doughy rectangles. It's SO WORTH having to dig your club card out of your wallet and shoving past all of those food-samplers.

I must warn you that at first, every time Jeff rolled over, he'd gripe about the chemically smell the pad emitted, but the tupperware odor is gone now and the squishy wonderment remains. Also, deep pocket fitted sheets are an absolute must now because the mattress is three full inches higher.

(I've posted no pictures because the thought of a photo of my bed on the internet is slightly disturbing to me for some reason.)

I justify my recent actions by telling myself that when I expect guests, I can simply remove the mattress pad from my bed and put it on the guest bed.

I really think I'll be willing to... :)