My Kids Are Public-Schooled (But It's Not What You Think)

My BFF recently wrote a post on her blog about how and why she homeschools. You can read it here.

I've wanted to broach the topic of options in education here before, but have always chickened out because it's a hot-button issue. However, Shari wrote such a fair-minded, reasonable explanation on why she homeschools, I've been inspired to pen the following as an addendum of sorts (thus the cheesy rip-off of her post's title).

Apparently, I seem like a homeschooler. I don't know if it's my hair style or what, but I can't count the number of times I've been asked, "So, are you still homeschooling?"

"Ummm...actually, I've never homeschooled."

"What? But I thought you..." *mouth agape*

Nope. Never.

Let me clarify--I am NOT anti-homeschooling.

Shari's husband is a cop and the husband of my friend, Diana (another homeschooler) is an ER doctor. Both of them work crazy schedules. If their kids attended traditional schools then they'd pretty much never see their dads. Homeschooling is an excellent choice for them. I get that.

I'm happy to say that both of these moms do a wonderful job of teaching their kids. The kids are well educated, involved in many activities and don't seem weird in any way whatsoever. So, yes, it can be done very well. (Don't be offended if I didn't mention your name. I know a lot of people who do a great job schooling their kids at home.)

So why do people have such strong, often smug (no matter which side they're on), opinions about this topic?

I think it's because we want to be excellent parents. We all want to do well in a slew of areas of our lives, but if there's one thing we really don't want to mess up in, it's raising our kids.

(At my funeral, feel free to declare that I didn't clean my kitchen floor often enough or that I couldn't hand write legibly to save my life, but if anyone says I was a lousy mom, I just might pull the casket lid shut and sob my rotting eyeballs out.)

We can't help but compare ourselves to other parents, so when we see someone doing something drastically differently than us, we want to justify why our way is right. I have to extricate myself all the time from this divisive little trap that is powered by nothing less than yucky old pride.

Education is a HUGE part of our kids' lives, so we want to do it right...but right doesn't always look the same.

Just as Shari sometimes feels disparaged by people who discover she homeschools, I have a few times felt looked down on for not homeschooling, as if I was lazy and not willing to put my kids first. One woman went so far as to say, "Aimee, I think you need to pray more about how to best educate your children."

I pasted on what was (at that moment) a very fake smile and assured her that I had prayed quite a bit about it and believed they were where they ought to be. Grrr...

Every family is different and every child is different, so there is no set rule on education that should be applied to everyone. What is best for one kid is disastrous for another.

So, why is it that for the last 10 + years, I've daily thrown my kids to the sharks? (Just a little passive-aggressive humor for those of you who like that sort of thing.)

Many reasons, really. Here are a few:

1) My kids are getting a great education. (With the exception of Tobias's present chemistry class) they have both excelled in virtually every area of academia since Kindergarten.

2) Out of the 44 + teachers that my kids have been taught by, there have only been about three with whom I was less than happy. Even those nameless few weren't horrible, just sort of difficult, but dealing with difficult people is a skill we need to learn in life. The others have been great people who I know care about my kids and they're good at what they do.

3) It keeps us in touch with our community. Obviously there are a lot of ways to do this besides having your kids attend a public school, but it automatically happens when they're going to the same place, day in and day out, investing in the lives of other students and the faculty.

4) (Okay, this one is a bit hard to summarize, but I'll try...) The public school system has allowed my kids a fairly safe place to learn very important life lessons.

Is there bad stuff at my kids' schools? Absolutely!

(Like the time Delaney came home from school with a pentagram on her forehead and said, "Look at what my teacher drew!"

JUST KIDDING! I hope no one fell for that. *hee hee*)

Have my kids always made the best decisions possible when faced with a choice? Absolutely not! But the opportunity to learn these things for themselves is priceless.

For example, when Tobias was in first grade, he buddied up with a kid whom we'll call Roger. After encountering Roger myself, I was less than charmed by the little darling, but didn't see any clear reason as to why I needed to interfere with the relationship. I just stayed aware and prayed. Tobias told me later that Roger liked to intimidate other kids and play unfunny pranks. Tobias knew this wasn't right, but refrained from speaking out against it.

One day, Tobias and Roger were in the bathroom and somehow Roger convinced Tobias it would be funny if Tobias climbed into the trashcan. Tobias did so, but as he was standing waist high in the discarded paper towels of others' post-potty-hand-washing, something clicked in his brain. (Brain clicks are vital!)

This isn't funny. This isn't funny at all.

And I'm the one who put myself here.

Tobias phased out his "friend"ship with Roger and learned a lot about avoiding association with people of less-than-stellar character.

Nine years later the lesson is still sticking. Several weeks ago, Tobias kept referring to a new group of friends at school, but suddenly it stopped. I noticed and asked, "Are you still hanging out with so and so and such and such?"

He paused for just a second and then responded, "No, I cut that off. They weren't good for my relationship with God."

Now, this is not a kid who ever says something to impress or even because he thinks it's the right thing to say. (He speaks his sometimes very critical and brassy mind so freely that I'm sure some hot head is going to punch him in the nose at some point in the future.) Therefore, hearing him utter the above words, I knew they were true...and they thrilled this mother's heart.

It was difficult to refrain from asking a million questions (Why? What were they doing? What did they want you to do?) but I kept my smiling mouth shut other than to say something like, "I'm so glad you could recognize that and that you backed away."

If a kid isn't choosing to do wrong only because they haven't got the opportunity to do so, that's not an act of choosing right. If we choose for our kids all the time then they aren't exercising their own wills which is something they will have to do every day as adults. Yes, they will choose poorly at times and suffer for it. (That's why I've allowed my kids to buy some of the most worthless junk you can imagine--so that they'll at some point realize, "That lame whoopie cushion I spent my whole allowance on only lasted for three ba-gushes!") They need to learn how to make good choices instead of just having good choices made for them.

Having our kids in the schools they've attended has given them lots of opportunities to flex those good-choice-muscles.

(I don't deny that there are probably a lot of things that I don't know about my kids and their doings at school, but I don't need to know everything. God does and if something is of vital importance for Jeff and me to know then God can reveal it to us somehow, and He has on more than one occasion. Then we can pray through making decisions based on that new knowledge.)

5) We want our kids to be aware of what the world is throwing their way so that we can actively counteract it. This is actually in two parts.

First, we want our kids to see the stark contrast between wise living and unwise living. Our kids see on a daily basis that kids who make good decisions and whose parents make good decisions reap good consequences for those actions. They also see the converse of that.

Secondly, we want our kids to hear what theories and belief systems are running through the world so that we can address those ideas with them. They're going to be exposed to those things at some point, so why not now when we can discuss them and hopefully counteract them.

For example, Delaney was recently studying Darwin's theory of evolution in science class. I didn't just tell her, "Oh, don't believe that. It's bad." Rather, I sat with her and looked at different aspects of the theory, explaining why this part over here may be plausible but that part over there isn't and why. Then I asked her questions because I wanted her mind working so that she could own her opinions instead of just regurgitating what has been stuffed into her head by me or anyone else.

Shari wrote about wanting her kids to be critical thinkers. That's something I want for my kids, as well. Of course I'm hopeful that they will arrive at certain conclusions as they think things through (what parent doesn't?), but if they give the answers I want without the conviction of heart to back it up then those aren't genuinely their beliefs anyway.

In summary, I am not committed to public schooling. I am committed to my kids and so far, my husband and I have determined that public school is the best place for them. If at any point we discern that it no longer is, then we will yank them out immediately and figure out the new best for them.

Soooo...what about private schools? Years ago, I substitute taught at a number of private schools. Some of them were places where the kids were getting excellent educations and others were unfunny jokes to which I wouldn't dream of sending my kids or money. Just as every child is different, so is every school.

I hope this looooooong post didn't seem preachy. I'm just sharing my thoughts and experiences for whatever they're worth. :)