Median Canaliform Nail Dystrophy

When I was about ten, my thumbnails started developing ridges in them.



Ugly but harmless. It looks like a rottweiler was using my poor thumb as a chew toy.

About ten years ago, they started splitting on the ends which in addition to being aesthetically displeasing is also annoying because they catch on everything and sometimes tear down into the nail bed, painfully.

I have tried multiple remedies. I take calcium and biotin pills every day, always wear rubber gloves while washing dishes, keep the nails as short as possible, etc. Nothing has helped. (I even had a manicure thinking it would strengthen my nails, but as the acrylic part grew out, it left my real nails even weaker.)

Unfathomably, about four months ago, things got worse! A split in the base of my nail emerged from the cuticle. It has now grown up to the center:


Apparently, not only are my thumbnails destined to become freakish, they are now beginning their sorry existence that way.

Though I felt stupid about it, I made an appointment with my GP. Forget thyroids and blood pressure, let's talk hideous thumbnails.

Well, Dr. J. twisted my thumb this way and that, looking at it from every angle. He then declared he wasn't sure what it was but he ventured a guess...and I didn't like it.

Does fungus mean anything to you?

Now, I know we all have bacteria in our guts:


And I know that we all lay our heads down on a metropolis of these guys (AKA our pillows) each night:


But not everybody has a mushroom farm growing out of their nail beds and frankly, I don't want to be one of the lucky few.

So, Dr. J dropped that little bomb on my parade and referred me to a dermatologist. Of course, the first appointment available with the derm was about three months away.

Great. I've got what looks like nail leprosy and the guy won't even see it for three months?

Finally, my day arrived and it was completely...

...anti-climactic.

The derm doc barely glanced at my thumbs and ran off to get some text books to show me pics of the thumbnails of other poor souls who share my woes.

Yes! These are my people! I thought, poring over the photos of the blighted phalanges.

The words Median Canaliform Nail Dystrophy were in one caption. I asked, "What's the cure?"

"Oh," Dr. Derm said, a blank look on his face. "It's simply a deformation, so there isn't one."

Ugh...maybe I should have been rooting for the fungus...