Abrasive Advertisements

As I was jogging through the neighborhood this morning, I kept seeing these slats of wood blighting people's driveways. Upon closer examination, I saw that they were, in fact, advertisements for a company selling shutters, blinds and shades.


Apparently, some guy was in his workshop, staring at the heap of refuse that he was about to throw in the dumpster out back when a revelation hit.

"I know!!! I'm gonna paste my phone number onto all these useless scraps and litter the neighborhood!"

Great idea, fella.

Some other genius (of a tree-trimming sort) canvases my street a couple of times a year with little baggies full of pebbles and a business card.

Honestly, do these people think that as we're leaning over, cleaning up our previously tidy front yards, we're thinking, "Oh, I'll be sure to give these guys a call." ???

Here's an idea: Keep your window treatment waste and ziplock o' rocks to yourselves.

Don't you understand that if you want to increase your patronage, you shouldn't start by annoying potential customers? I haven't got an M.B.A., but that makes sense to me.

Who among us hasn't started our car and begun to exit a parking lot before noticing a flyer stuffed under our wiper blade?


You know that you're the one who'll get a ticket for littering if it flies off, so you have to stop your car, put on the e-brake, take off your seat belt and retrieve the stupid thing.

Which of us hasn't stumbled to our front door, arms overflowing with grocery bags, mail and a set of keys only to be greeted by one of these, dangling from our doorknob:


Now, in our complete vexation, we have to figure out how to detach it while unlocking our door and not dropping the watermelon we are precariously balancing between our shoulder and chin.

It's spilling out of our mailboxes, too. I can't count how many envelopes I get each week from Citibank and Chase, pathetically begging me to get one of their credit cards. One day, we literally received four solicitations from Chase Bank alone. (Go chase someone else, would you?) I've never stepped inside a bank run by either of these institutions and every unwanted envelope that emerges from my mailbox with their name on it convinces me further that I never will.

Probably the latest development in pestering commercialism is taking place on the Internet. Sometimes I'll be minding my own business lulled into a photon-induced stupor, staring at the screen when it's suddenly commandeered by some unknown evil force. The news article I was just reading is completely obscured by an ad for a mobile phone company. I guess they figure that since I waste so much time on the Net that I won't mind if they waste some for me.

Wrong!

Traditional TV commercials are a bit of a novelty to my family since at home we watch shows exclusively on the Internet or through Netflix. Therefore, when we are in a motel, we actually do watch the commercials, familiarizing ourselves with some present day Americana.

(The following isn't so much irritating advertising as it is just plain weird.) On a recent trip, we saw an advertisement for a hybrid car. The ad was progressive in nature so throughout the TV show's commercial breaks we saw the evolution of the car owner's experience. You see, he stopped at a gas station to use the restroom, but multiple people proceeded to badger him over his car. It culminated with the gas station attendant informing him that he could not use the toilet unless he purchased some gas.

Hmmm...Did the ad execs think we were going to watch that and say, "So if I buy this car, then I'll experience harrassment and wet underpants? I'll take two!"

Whatever...

Here's my advice to businesses: If you want a loyal clientele, then offer good products at good prices and LEAVE US ALONE!