"Right" or Just "Wise"?

Last Autumn, Jeff and I were struck with the realization that we would likely have Tobias living with us for only another year and a half or so. He's a junior in high school and although things can obviously change, at this point, his plans have him in basic training with the Army as of the Summer of 2013.

This revelation paired with the knowledge that about 50 percent of young people who have been "churched" all their lives are no longer continuing that "churching" once they're out on their own really got us thinking.

And praying.

We asked God how we could most effectively invest in our son not only intellectually, emotionally, and individually, but also spiritually in this limited time we still have. A plan took shape in our minds, a plan that would require us to step out of our very cozy comfort zone.

We decided that about once a month, we would visit another nearby fellowship to see how God was working and being worshiped in other branches of the Church. This way, our kids would witness that there are many ways to do this thing called "church" and that there are a lot of great people and ideas beyond the walls of the denomination in which they've grown up. Our hope was that once our kids were on their own, they'd remember there are variations on the same theme (loving God and people and being loved by God and people) so they would value corporate worship and Christian community enough to seek it out. If their first try wasn't a good fit, hopefully they'd try elsewhere until they found a better fit.

Several weeks ago, there was a surprising turn of events. On Easter Sunday, we visited the sixth or so fellowship since we began this venture. When we returned to our car, Tobias began to tell us all the things he appreciated about this particular experience. Since listing virtues of anything (whether they be animal, vegetable or mineral) isn't one of his usual pastimes, Jeff and I listened attentively.

This is where the perplexing part began--Jeff and I separately began to wonder if we should begin to attend this fellowship regularly. Let me explain why this notion was so startling: We had attended our former fellowship for 10 + years, we both greatly enjoyed serving in the ways we served (Jeff with the young adults, me on the Sunday morning worship team, both of us writing devotionals for the fellowship's website), and we love and respect the people with whom we served. We were quite comfy with all of this.

Over the next several days, we prayed a lot, talked a lot and did a bunch of online research on this new fellowship to make sure it was sound and in line with our own personal convictions. It took us less than a week to decide that we would in fact change churches. That's not to say it was an easy decision. We'd be sacrificing so much. However, it seemed to both of us to be the wisest decision. Once we came to this conclusion we agreed to make the switch immediately. (I had listened to several of the pastor's podcasts and kept thinking, "Oh, I wish Tobias had heard that" and "Oh, there's another thing that I think would have really spoken to him".)

(So if you're wondering why you haven't seen us around at WCC for the past several weeks, now you know. We miss you guys!)

This brings me to the point of this post, which isn't so much to tell you about this specific experience as it is to address this question: What does it mean to "obey" God?

God has given us some very clear directives in the Bible. Adhering to them is "obedience". I am obeying God when I don't cheat on my taxes. I am obeying Him when I don't commit murder. I am obeying Him when I do give to the poor.

On the other hand, when I'm trying to figure out which fellowship to attend or which charity to give to, that's not my attempt at "obedience". It's simply me seeking to honor God in this option or that option. I shouldn't assume there is one "right" answer and the other ones are therefore "wrong". The rightness is in the fact that I want to honor God.

You'll notice that in making the above decision, I detailed that we prayed aplenty, but that I didn't say, "We conceded that God was telling us to change churches."

I honestly believe that if we had decided to stay at WCC, God would not look at that decision as an act of "disobedience". Regular attendance at either fellowship would be a very good thing because they would both allow us to learn, serve and belong. I believe that those are God's desire for us, not so much where we do them. However, looking at both options in depth, one came across as somewhat more beneficial so that's the one we went with.

For the first couple of decades of my Christian life, I was completely caught up in the world of specifics. I truly believed that God had an ornately detailed plan for my life and I didn't want to veer even an inch off that track. I thought I needed to diligently seek Him over minutiae.

Why?

I think some of my reasons were good, like I knew my time here was limited and I wanted to do the best with what I'd been given in the place I'd been plunked. That's a very biblical notion.

There were other reasons under the surface which took some seriously honest self-examination to acknowledge, such as I didn't really want to be responsible for some of my decisions. If it all goes back to God, then don't blame me!

So what changed?

As I became more familiar with scripture, I saw the emphasis on internals far more than on externals. We are exhorted to know, think and behave in certain manners way more often than we are told to determine an exact plan of action.

Of course there are biblical examples of people seeking specifics which result in God clarifying them. However, most of these are in the Old Testament. Since Christ established the new covenant, the Spirit Himself has been imparted to us. What are the fruits of the Spirit? Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. In other words, these are attributes God wants to work in us no matter where we are, nor with whom we're speaking about specifically what on Tuesday at 5:07 pm.

Scriptural awareness combined with many years of seeking and (quite honestly) not finding many clearly defined answers to pleas for guidance and specific direction made me realize, "Maybe God's not so much into the small stuff and maybe He doesn't want me to be either."

I wouldn't dare put God in a box and say that He doesn't work in certain ways, nor do I want to ruin anyone's perception of God's intimate machinations in their individual lives, so why am I harping on this issue? (And not for the first time, I might add.)

Genuineness is vital.

I'm committed to it so here's some honesty for you: I was deeply disappointed for quite a while that the "top secret missions" I was confident God would send my way if I only prayed enough or knew enough scripture just weren't happening. He didn't whisper in my ear that the lady on aisle 17 was suffering profoundly from the loss of her brother and I needed to tell her this important message which would significantly help her. I'm embarrassed to type that because it reads so stupidly, but I really longed for that sort of precise intimacy and believed I could somehow attain it. I thought that if I was the Christian God wanted me to be then that kind of stuff would happen all the time.

It took me a while to understand that some of the expectations other believers had encouraged me to have combined with my own presumptions weren't the expectations God intended for me to have.

It wasn't that there was something wrong with me or that I wasn't pure-minded enough, or that I was in sin and therefore missing out on some super spiritual, intimate blessing. It was simply that that's not how God intended to work in my life at that time and He had never told me to expect Him to.

I'm not suggesting that we shouldn't pray for guidance and direction nor that God doesn't ever care about specification. I'm simply sharing a notion that has been incredibly freeing and encouraging to me in hopes that it will help others relax in God's hands. The notion is this: There aren't necessarily a whole bunch of "right" decisions that we need to make in order to be "obedient" to God, nor will our lives be somehow marred or possibly even ruined if we sometimes don't choose "correctly". Sometimes the best option will stick out like a sore thumb and other times we'll step out feeling completely unsure about the superiority of what we've chosen. Nevertheless, God is pleased when we genuinely seek to honor Him regardless of the resultant A or B.