We Regret to Inform You...

A friend recently told me that she coveted my life. This made me wonder if I'm being transparent enough. I am incredibly thankful for the great things in my life, but I have my share of problems, some of which are gut wrenching. However, since most of my problems involve other people and I am a firm believer in not airing dirty laundry inappropriately (like on this very blog), then I can see how there might appear to be a dearth of trials and tribulations en la vie d'Aimee.

So here you go... a post about one trial I'm facing that I can let flap in the breeze because it centers entirely on my own insecurities and lameness with nary a glimpse of a malign-able person anywhere.

I applied for a job recently.

It seemed like the perfect job for me: the hours were in the middle of the school day so I could still take my kids to school and pick them up afterward; it was in a library where I've always liked the idea of being employed and there was no experience required.

When I saw this job become available, I couldn't help but think it might be my answer to a recent prayer. You see, with Jeff's promotion (for which we are extremely grateful) came the realization that he will no longer be working overtime which means a drop in funds. The overtime he used to be required to work provided cash for all those extras like vacations, regular oil changes in the cars and extra curricular activities for the kids. (Okay, I realize that second one isn't technically an extra, but you see what I'm saying.)

The logical conclusion was for me to get a job, nothing major, just a few hours a week so that Delaney can take the sign language classes in which she is interested and to ensure that we will be able to fly out to Tobias's graduation from basic training next September. Those things aren't necessary to sustain life but they're still important, quite important.

So I started looking and saw this library paraprofessional job opening. I drove over and picked up an application.

This is where my insecurities kicked in. I have a lot of life experience, but very little employment experience. Filling out an application is somewhat embarrassing when you have to hearken back to your time in a sandwich shop TWENTY years ago. Like my former boss would even remember me!

So yes, I have a college degree and yes, I'm a reasonably intelligent person who can learn new skills and yes, I've successfully managed a home for the past 19+ years, but SO WHAT?

After turning in my seemingly-paltry application, I was scheduled to take a test. So several days later, I showed up at the appointed computer lab with about 12 other women who all looked like they also finally have kids old enough to allow old mom to venture out into the workforce. Looking around, summing up my competition, I was disappointed to see that an actual librarian from our local branch was there applying for the same job as the rest of us.  

Arghhh...there goes that! I thought.

I took the test anyway which consisted of a typing test (I average about 50-55 words per minute with a 98% accuracy) and a barrage of multiple choice library-related questions, some of which were completely inane like "True or False: You must know the author personally in order to be able to check out a book they've written at the library." Seriously?

Needless to say, I did well on both portions of the test.

However, as expected, I received a letter in the mail a few weeks later which said something like, "We regret to inform you that you were not selected for an interview for the position for which you applied."

Ho, hum...

Evaluating how I'm thinking and feeling, I'm not sure that it's the loss of this particular job that is so frustrating to me. It might be more rejection in general.

I'm sorry if I sound like a whiny baby, but I've had plenty of rejection in my life.

Since junior high I've pursued a number of friendships with people who didn't reciprocate. And I'm not talking about people with whom I was trying to "get in good" to secure my own social success; I'm talking about people who I just genuinely found interesting and enjoyable. (Although, looking at some of the truly scary photos of me at age 12 probably explains a lot.)

I've never had a single poem published in a reputable poetry journal though I've submitted them again and again. (See my "poetry" category to the right under "Labels" if you so desire to determine if they're publishable.)

I've applied for a number of jobs over the years and most of the time have hardly been given a second glance.

Then there are many other examples of rejection that strike a little too close to my heart for me to declare so publicly so I will  refrain from referring to them.

Okay, I know I know I KNOW that this kind of thing happens to everybody and the things I'm complaining about probably seem quite shallow compared to what nine-tenths of the rest of humanity is dealing with. I also know that if it is truly important for me to get a job at this point then God will provide an even more suitable one.

BUT,  I'm just being honest that I am discouraged.

And I am tired of being rejected.

THE END