After all, it played an indispensable role in the production of these two beauties:
(one of my all-time favorite pics of my kids)
Well, perhaps because it's dissatisfied with its negligible existence as of late, my womb has taken up a new hobby.
It's called: growing fibroids.
Apparently it has quite a knack for this new pastime as it has produced four of them, the largest of which is the size of this 8 cm orange:
That's huge!
To say I'm bursting with pride over my uterus's talent would be a grossly inaccurate statement. I am, however, bursting with something as I'm starting to look a wee bit pregnant.
I think I'll take a sharpie to one of these shirts...
...cross out "BABY" and write in "QUINTUPLET FIBROIDS", just to clarify.
I won't give details about my symptoms (although I probably lost the guy-readers at the second word of this post already), but let's just say I'm glad that something can be done to halt them.
What is that something, you may wonder...
A hysterectomy, most likely.
It's my understanding that if fibroids are removed, wily and determined uteri like mine have a tendency to start cultivating a new crop, sometimes even more bountiful than the first.
No thanks.
That's alright. I'm done with my uterus. I'm pushing 40, which doesn't feel that old, but in baby-producing terms it's practically ancient. My womb is a relic, really.There's probably an inch-thick layer of dust enveloping the detested-in-utero-masses at this very moment.
So I'm wondering if my doc will let me take it home. My growth-filled uterus, that is. Maybe I could dry it out, fully intact and then hang it up in a tree as a pinata to festively celebrate my looming 40th birthday. Swing, batter!
Okay, sorry. That was possibly the most disgusting thing I've ever included in this blog o' mine which dates back to 2008, but at least I didn't post any photos of actual fibroids. The internet is rife with them (if you know where to look), and let me tell you: they are FOUL.
FOUL!
Therefore, I would like mine out, please, along with the dastardly womb that has nurtured and grown them for who knows how long within its dark, inner sanctum.
Geez, an organ gets bored and this is what happens? I mean, I know it's been out of the spotlight since it evicted Delaney 15 years ago, but seriously, couldn't it do something more beneficial than sprout massive blobs of useless and cumbersome tissue?
Sneaky, unprincipled womb! What's next on your "Secret Garden" list? Cannabis???
Anyway, I've got a doctor's appointment tomorrow so hopefully I'll get some answers to all of my fibroidal queries...
2 comments:
Oh darn. That's no fun. I hope they can do something else so you don't have to go through that. Keep us posted so we know how to pray.
You are too funny... Gotta love the girls parts and all the ways they are complicated and wonderful...
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