With Toes Tightly Curled

Last week I had the pleasure of enduring an endometrial biopsy. If you aren't familiar with that term, I'll simply tell you that it involves a speculum, a cervical dilation, sharp tools to cut off chunks of your living flesh and a complete lack of propriety and modesty. If you aren't familiar with any of those then consider yourself fortunate.

It actually wasn't as painful as I feared. Still, I was not able to relax. My feet were like arthritic claws propped up in the stirrups. I'll bet that doctor and nurse see a lot of curled toes.

Next week holds more fun with the removal of my uterus and its multiple tumors. Then the following six weeks are going to be spent recuperating from the whole ordeal. Yeah, my summer's pretty much shot. (Any suggestions on how to spend time lying in bed, toked up on pain-killers while your severed abdomen knits itself back together?)

Lots of hysterectomies aren't too big of a deal because they're performed laproscopically which involves a few little incisions in the abdomen. Unfortunately, this isn't an option for me due to the size of my fibroids. See?

 the artist's interpretation of her uterus 

Though the tumors are being represented by an orange, two pluots and a lemon in the above photo, their dimensions are similar to the real beasts as proven by the ultrasound I had.

You know how when an extremely overweight person needs to go to the hospital but they can't fit through their front door so a wall has to be busted out and heavy duty ramparts need to be constructed over which to convey said morbidly obese patient?

Well, just call my womb "Large Marge" and my doctor the wrecking crew.

Yeah, I'm basically having a c-section but without the cute little bundle of joy at the end. (Doc did say he'd take photos of his findings for me, though, since I asked.)

After the doctor described in detail what the surgery and recovery would be like, I asked if he really thought this was all necessary. I mean, yes, I'm having symptoms, but I'm not miserable and this solution is quite a big deal. He reminded me that the final decision was mine to make, but his educated opinion is that the fibroids will just continue to grow and cause more and worse problems.

*sigh*

So, let's look on the bright side, shall we? I have access to excellent medical care. That's something for which to be extremely grateful. Yep, my summer may be shot, but my autumn (and the next couple of decades, hopefully) will likely be free of sciatica, pressure on my bladder and a whole host of other unpleasantries.

Oh, let's not forget no more menstrual cycles! Yes! This Independence Day I declare myself independent from that annoyingly loyal ball and chain!

Happy Fourth of July, everyone.