Pertinent Info That You May Never Get To Use

Tonight, Jeff was stuck at work, so the kids and I had dinner without him. Over the course of the meal, I was informed that I am a "mean mother" because I was forcing them to eat butter beans. They were just kidding...sort of.

Afraid that my "cool mom" status was on the blink, I pulled out a sure-fire child pleaser from my arsenal...a mango!

Free MangoTutorial:

Knowing that my quality of life has improved since I began buying these little beauties on a regular basis, I've decided to share my mango knowledge with those of you who may be lacking in this regard in hopes that you, too, will benefit.

You see, I experimented with mangoes once in my mid-twenties with uninspiring results, so it was not until about a year ago that I began enriching my existence with mangoes on a regular basis.

It is easy to become frustrated while preparing mangoes for consumption because they are slippery little buggers. Thus, I offer to you tips to make your experience easier and more fulfilling.

(Note: Never try to peel a whole mango. You will be left with a squishy mess and you may have destroyed much of the edible flesh in the process. Another note: Never try to remove the seed from a mango as you would do from an avocado. It WON'T work. Mango seeds are very mysterious. I doubt anyone has ever seen one completely devoid of mango meat.)

Step One:

Cut the sides off of the mango, circumnavigating the knife past the large and oddly shaped seed in the middle of the fruit.

Step Two:

With a knife, score the juicy flesh of the fruit in a checkerboard fashion, being careful not to pierce all the way through the skin. Then, "pop" the cubes of fruit out, thus preparing for palatable edification.


Step Three:

Eat.

Notice Tobias' eye-rolling state of mango-induced bliss and Delaney's covetous gaze as she struggles on with her portion of butter beans. (You may want to ingest these delectable bits in private until you master the art of controlling your reactions.)

Step Four:

While your children are partaking in the pleasure entitled "Mango", you can return to the cutting board and easily cut off the strip of skin that remains around the cross-sectioned, seeded portion of the mango.


Now it is your turn. Position yourself over the kitchen sink (your chin is about to start dripping) and bite all the remaining juicy flesh off of the seed. This is not the easiest part of the mango to eat--you gave those parts to your children. (Parenthood is full of such sacrifices.)

So...go out and buy some mangoes! If your first couple aren't that fabulous then try, try again. Some are definitely better than others, but once you get a really good one, you'll be hooked. I've had the best luck with mangoes that I bought at small Asian markets or fruit stands as opposed to those from supermarkets.

A Possible Farewell:

The reason why I entitled this post as I did is because the Large Hadron Collider is set to be activated sometime within the next three hours. I'll take this moment to bid you all adieu in case this is our last bit of communication.

(Fade out to REM's "It's The End Of The World As We Know It.")